demi0urgos (demi0urgos) wrote,

Don't get so attached to something that...

...should you lose it, you lose your identity.

So I tell myself, against all poetic reasoning (the special reasoning one uses to be in love with something that, to others, just doesn't seam right.)

I sat in a chair. I watched a woman take a pair of scissors to the hairs on a head, and I felt no connection to the object reflected in the mirror, nor the potential outcome when scissors were applied to it.

When it was over, I was shocked by how much the head of the reflected seemed missplace on the body of the reflection. It looked almost as if two separate people were dissected, and bits swapped around like paper dolls.

I walked out, happy that my view was not altered by my exterior, but saddened that my exterior would alter the view of others. Here I was, in a missmatched body, doing the same old things that fit with my old character but I suddenly felt so mixed up and out of place.

I run my fingers through my hair. I look at my hand. The evidence of what just transpired is still fresh. My hand is covered in the blood of my former identity. I wish I had driven so I could just rush home and wash away the stain. It hurts to be the out of place in my own body.

It's so superficial, but I know that, just because something is superficial, doesn't mean it is insignificant. Hell, if superficiality is truly so unimportant, why would it matter to the world if I had long hair or not? It does. As a long haired hippie (at heart) I know it does. People react to me differently now. Already I can feel their increase in respect. Yes, my confidence has increased recently, but not enough to warrent their change in behavior. No, my confidence isn't nearly as important as my haircut.

Yes, I'm bitter. I'm bitter like a fat man who can now make company with skinny people merely because he's lost 150 pounds of flesh. I am bitter like a homeless man who is treated well because he has been given some clothes, a bath, and a shave. I am bitter like a girl who now has the attention of boys, just because she has tits.

Now the question is, do I make the body match the head, or the head match the body.

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