demi0urgos (demi0urgos) wrote,

Just because you have wings, baby, don't mean you can fly

I over heard some kids (and by kids, I, of course, mean JC students) talking about that eternal question, "To carpet munch or not to carpet munch, that is the question." I now know, in intimate detail, a random boy's criteria for orally pleasuring a woman (and by that, I don't mean making her mouth happy.) My, what rigid specifications he had! I wonder if there is a woman on earth who's womanly bits are as he desires. If cleanliness is next to godliness, Jehovah's pussy ain't that sweet!

Also, I heard about that "dreaded" encounter, RED WINGS!

I had similar discussions when I was their age. I actually had this very discussion with an, at the time, newly aware lesbian. I got in trouble with her because I had a criteria of my own, based on my own experience (actually, my first time, a moment in my life I had eagerly awaited years for); I could not stomach the taste of soap. My lesbian friend said that if I had such a lowly opinion of female genitalia, I should be denied access to it henceforth.

We're talking soap, here! A residue left from a FAILED attempt to cleanse ones bits! Being extra soapy is NOT better than being funky fresh. I felt like asking her girlfriend to "soap herself up good!" for their next romp, but I digress.

Apart from this minor detail, I agree with said lesbian. If you expect a gourmet meal from another person's source of sexual gratification, you should be left to starve.

I haven't heard the term "Red Wings" (out side of hockey talk) since before I was 21. Back in highschool, Red Wings sounded like a badge of honor that everyone had to earn once in their lives, and then never do again. I think that, as we become adults, either Red Wings become another fact of life, or we just grow too pretentious to discuss such matters.

Either way, I do think there should be an award out there. A branding or certification that grants people access to girly bits. The certification should expire as well. Due to timing and control, a monthly renewal is too much to ask (however, revocation of certification due to negligence is an option) but there should be at least a semiannual recertification process.

Of course, this would blur the lines between who is worthy and who is just certified. One shouldn't earn a badge of honor just because one is willing to bring pleasure to their partner in a "suboptimal" scenario. It shouldn't even be a thought. But maybe through exposure and education, we could all become more worthy and more respectful people.

Are you certified?

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